Attention Madonna. You are 53 fucking years old. Albums loaded with immature drivel such as "MDNA" at this stage of your career are simply embarrassing. This album makes you come across as desperately trying to stay in touch with an age bracket that doesn't listen or care about your music for the most part and for a pop icon, it's a regrettable decision.
Look, we all know Madonna is never going to be known as one of the great songwriters of our time, or an artist who blows us away with musical innovation. But I truly feel she broke away from some of her disposable earlier music and put out a number of mature, classic pop albums starting with 1986's "True Blue" and continuing with 1989's "Like A Prayer". And, for my money, she'll never top 1998's "Ray of Light", with much credit to William Orbit for his role on that outstanding album. Madonna grew by leaps and bounds with those albums, which makes this collection of trash all the more frustrating.
There's no sense in going into great detail over the levels of putridness most of these songs achieve. Tracks like "Girl Gone Wild", "Turn Up The Radio" and "Some Girls" may as well have been created by chimps with computers, although they likely would have come up with more original ideas. The lyrics on the majority of the songs on "MDNA" are so, cliched, shallow and weak, it's like listening to Madonna recite a 13 year old girl's diary. The music on the aforementioned songs, if we are calling it that, is half-assed, electronic pop by numbers, and her vocals are buried under so many effects and vocoders, it's hard to tell if she even bothered showing up at the studio to truly sing on them or if Madonna-Bot 2012 handled the lead.
I already hated the annoyingly wretched first single "Give Me All Your Luvin'", that cheerleading chant must run on a loop in some level of Hell, but then the insufferable Nicki Minaj makes a second appearance on the album in "I Don't Give A", which about suits my opinion on Minaj's talent. I don't give a damn what you say, she has none. "Gang Bang", one of six tracks Orbit had a hand in co-producing, is one of the strongest dance tracks here, but Madonna ruins it with a barrage of profanity that is meant to come across as tough, but induces laughter instead.
Here is the most frustrating thing about "MDNA". The few times Madonna actually remembers she is a middle aged woman, she delivers a few strong tracks. "I'm Addicted" and "Love Spent" are the best of the dance tracks, but the album's best moments come in the two ballads that close it out, both co-produced by Orbit. "Falling Free" has a sparse, rather ambient backing track while "Masterpiece" ranks up there with the best ballads Madonna has released. It's a beautiful track and melody that is so good it feels completely out of place amongst the rest of the teeny pop dance-trash on "MDNA".
Sadly, the Deluxe Edition of the album contains a couple bonus tracks that could have replaced 95% of the songs on the main album and improved it drastically. Both "Beautiful Killer" and "Best Friend" should have made the proper album over some of the rubbish that made the cut. But there couldn't be a more fitting title than the bonus cut "I Fucked Up", because that is exactly what Madonna did with this album. "MDNA" is the sound of desperation, of trying hard to fit in to a pop landscape that has passed you by. There are ways to make quality, mature pop albums into your 50's and beyond. She has done it before, Madonna would be wise to re-discover that magic because "MDNA" is a lousy record.
"MDNA" was released March 26, 2012 via Live Nation and Interscope Records
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